Funny Retirement Wishes: Retirement is the time for relaxation, but leaving the favorite workplace and going through daily routine changes can be frightening. While retiring, people are sure to feel nostalgic. Due to the lack of motivation, they often feel low-spirited too. Do you know someone who has just retired and wants to lighten their mood with funny retirement wishes? There is no better way to do that than sending the person some funny retirement messages. Below, find out some funny retirement quotes and messages to wish the retiree a happy and fun-filled retired life.
Funny Retirement Messages
Congratulations for your retirement. Now you will be forced to work on a never-ending project that will take up all your time and it’s called – Doing Nothing.
All your life you sacrificed your health so you could earn more money to retire happily. Now you’ll realize that you’ll be spending all the money to keep up your health. Congratulations.
Can you believe that finally from now on all days on your calendar are marked as Sundays? Enjoy them and may you always have a smile on your face. Happy retirement.
Retirement is the only thing that will make you realize how you wasted all these years trying to be mature when you can get back to being a child at the end of it all. Have fun.
Now it’s time for you to get rich with your pensions and give us the privilege of having a rich friend!
It is interesting to note that when people are giving you retirement gifts there is always a watch or a clock as if to tell you that your time is up. Have a time-free retirement.
Happy retirement! Put in a good word for us before you leave.
Hope you had fun working all these years. Now the real hard work begins, managing so much free time!
Health, family, friends and relationships are some of the things that you sacrificed in your life so that you could work harder and earn more money. Now you will realize that you need these things to enjoy retirement. Such is the irony of life.
We can now officially call you by your real name. Hope it is not “Boss”!
Every day of your retired life will feel like a happy Friday night. But it’s useless because being old will make you feel dull like Monday morning all the time. Happy retirement.
Thank you for reminding us that we are younger than you 😛 Happy retirement!
All these years you argued with your colleagues, juniors, managers and your boss at work. After retirement, you will argue with your grandkids, children and wife at home. Life remains the same.
As I see it you have been practicing how to retire and now the real thing is here. You are so good at it that there should be no problem taking up your new role. Have a happy retirement.
Happy retirement and my advice is that you do not try to say that you are coming back because you will be surprised at people’s reactions. No one will give back your office nor your parking space. No one misses you that much.
Funny Retirement Wishes
Before you’d have to wait for holidays, now the rest of your life is one! Do enjoy it.
Retirement is like graduation- only this time, you will do a master on laziness!
If you don’t work, you will never be late for work! Happy retirement.
Seeing your performance over the years you’ve worked, I’m sure that you’ll be very good at doing nothing!
For someone who looks forward to lying around all day, retirement must be thrilling! Have fun.
Now you’re rich and fat, what can be a perfect time for retiring? You’ve chosen the right path!
Now you get a new boss who knows about your true work ethic, organizational skills, and excuses. Spouses make the toughest bosses. Good luck!
It doesn’t matter whether you behave like a grumpy retiree or not because people are going to assume that anyways. Good luck dealing with that.
No matter how many college degrees, skill development courses and professional accreditations you have received, there is one more qualification you will still receive after your retirement – A master of Doing Nothing. Congratulations.
Have a happy retirement and try not to take life too seriously. After all, you took things easy for all the years that you worked. Why should you change now?
After retirement the body grows older, the heart grows fonder and the mind becomes younger. All the best at trying to handle an old body with a young mind and fond heart.
Funny Retirement Messages For Colleague
When people say that this place will not be the same without you, they actually mean that it will be less annoying.
You’re retiring now? I thought you did it the day you joined here. I mean, when did you ever work?
Congratulations on availing of the longest vacation of your life! Enjoy your infinite free time and do not tell us how much fun you are having.
Your wish has come true! You can now sit around your couch all day instead of sitting around in your office chair.
If this workplace were a hell, which it is, you’d be one of the greatest devils of it, and you’ll be missed.
People who call sloths the laziest animals surely have never met you. You were born to retire, buddy.
Don’t let everyone’s loving words fool you; I’m the only one in the office who is going to miss you.
Read: Retirement Wishes For Colleague
Funny Retirement Farewell Messages For Coworkers
I used to be excited about retirement until I saw you. God forbid that I become as grumpy as you!
This is the only time when everyone at the office will be looking up to you. Who doesn’t want to get out of this place!
Ah retirement, the days of daydreaming and sleeping till noon, all the things you’re good at!
We’re not going to miss you at all! Meetings are fun, office work is brilliant. P.s. Please get us out of here!
I’m jealous that every day of the week will be the weekend for you. Have a good life ahead!
Congratulations on leaving the job and not getting fired after missing so many deadlines!
Funny Retirement Messages For Boss
Who said bosses have to be scary? Seeing you, I’ve come to believe that bosses are not only scary but also frightful!
Your retirement hurts me; not because you’re leaving, but because of the worry that what if the next boss also happens to be like you?
I’ve always been more excited about your retirement than my own, and you can obviously guess why!
We will miss you, boss, other than your screaming, glowering, and pretty much showing up at the office.
You’re done bossing us, now you can do it around your grandkids and pets; because bossing is in your blood.
Finally, you have the chance to participate in our employee gossip. You’re one of us now!
We know you are going to miss bossing us around. Don’t forget to drop by and scold our new boss!
We will definitely miss your shouting and the classic boss jokes. But we are happy knowing that your family will be getting those now!
Undefeated Best Boss Award Champion now has to retire. Hope you come back again to retain your title.
Read: Retirement Wishes For Boss
Funny Retirement Messages For Husband
Dear husband, congratulations on your newfound freedom! keep calm and have fun.
Happy retirement, love. And if you ever miss your workplace, I can be your boss for free!
Now that you’re done with your other job, you can go back to your main job- annoying me 24/7.
Finally, you’ve retired, and you cannot give the excuse of work anymore. Marriage is going to be great again!
Thank God, now I have a new 24/7 assistant at my home! Happy retirement to my lifelong helper.
Happy retirement hubby. I’m happier about your retirement than you. At least you have no excuse to make time for me.
Funny Retirement Messages For Friend
I know a lazy guy like you deserves an early retirement! Congrats on your well-deserved leisure.
Welcome to the old man club. It’s time to gossip about joint pain, high bp, sugar level, Et cetera Et cetera.
If life is a meal, retirement is its dessert. To enjoy it, stay fit, and don’t let your blood sugar go high!
Congratulations to a lazy bone like you for completing work-life! Finally, you can go back to being your true self.
I wanted to wish you a fun retirement. But with this old fat body, I don’t see any fun coming towards you.
Won’t your colleagues be jealous? Now that you will be spending so much time with your friends!
Finally, the day has come! Now you cannot give work excuses anymore to skip out on our plans.
How does it feel when every day is the weekend and every night is Friday night? Don’t you say it’s fun!
Read: Goodbye Messages When Leaving The Company
Funny Retirement Quotes
“When men reach their sixties and retire, they go to pieces. Women go right on cooking.” – Gail Sheehy
“Retirement is like a long vacation in Las Vegas. The goal is to enjoy it to the fullest, but not so fully that you run out of money.” – Jonathan Clements
“Retired people compliment my teeth, then tell me to take care of them. This always makes me think they are trying to steal them.” – Emily Claire Tamblyn
“What do you call a person who is happy on Monday? Retired.” – Unknown
“When a man retires and time is no longer a matter of urgent importance, his colleagues generally present him with a watch.” – R C Sherriff
“Retirement can be a great joy if you can figure out how to spend time without spending money.” – Author Unknown
“People are always asking me when I’m going to retire. Why should I? I’ve got it two ways. I’m still making movies, and I’m a senior citizen so that I can see myself at half price.” – George Burns
“The concept of freedom is never truly realized until one settles into retirement mode.” – A. Major
“Retirement is wonderful. It’s doing nothing without worrying about getting caught at it.” – Gene Perret
“Retirement: That’s when you return from work one day and say, ‘Hi, honey, I’m home — forever.'” – Gene Perret
“We spend our lives on the run: we get up by the clock, eat and sleep by the clock, get up again, go to work – and then we retire. And what do they give us? A bloody clock.” – Dave Allen
“When you retire, you switch bosses — from the one who hired you to the one who married you.” – Gene Perret
“A gold watch is the most appropriate gift for retirement as its recipients have given up so many of their golden hours in a lifetime of service.” – Harry Mahtar
“First you forget names; then you forget faces; then you forget to zip up your fly; and then you forget to unzip your fly.” – Branch Rickey
“Retirement at sixty-five is ridiculous, When I was sixty-five – I still had pimples.” – George Burns
“Retirement, we understand, is great if you are busy, rich and healthy. But then, under those conditions, work is great too.” – Bill Vaughan
“I’ve been attending lots of seminars since my retirement. They’re called naps.” – Harry Emerson Fosdick
“I’m not just retiring from the company, I’m also retiring from my stress, my commute, My alarm clock, and my iron.” – Hartman Jule
“Retirement, a time to do what you want to do, when you want to do it, where you want to do it, and how you want to do it.” – Catherine Pulsifer
Must Read: Retirement Wishes, Messages and Quotes
Retirement is a big step in everyone’s life. One’s life completely changes after this step. So if you have a retiree at your family or workplace, send them your love along with some touches of humor. Here, we offer you some funny retirement goodbye messages that will surely make the receiver roll with laughter. Please read them and get ideas on what funny things to write in a retirement card for a friend, family member, co-worker, or even a boss! The best part is, these messages can be given to anyone, regardless of their profession or gender. So wish them a happy retirement with some jokes and a little bit of personal touch, and they will remember your words forever.
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happy retirement day
This post was last modified on January 15, 2023