100+ Funny Valentine Messages, Wishes and Quotes

Whether you’re single or not, don’t miss out on the fun and humor of Valentine’s Day. Not every Valentine’s Day wish needs to be romantic; you can inject some humor, especially when it comes to your lover or single friend. Spice up your wishes with witty words! Check out our collection of the best funny Valentine quotes and messages for him and her. Choose one and bring a smile to your special someone’s face!

Funny Valentine Day Messages

Dear, Love is like a never-ending game. Let’s pair up and conquer this love battle together! Have a love-filled Valentine.

You’re like a rare diamond. What if someone robs you? Don’t worry, be mine; I’ll keep you safe. Happy Valentine’s Day!

May God fills your heart with love and your wallet with money so you can buy some chocolates for your honey! Happy valentine’s day!

I wish I could wrap all my love for you in a box and send you as a gift on this valentine’s day. But I couldn’t send it because there is not such a big box to carry all my love for you.

funny valentine messages

You don’t need a valentine to spend time with on valentine’s day, just like you don’t need HIV on AIDS day.

On this valentine’s day, if you don’t have anyone, don’t be sad. Just know that you’re not the only one.

I guess you didn’t steal my heart; you completely grabbed me from me! Happy Valentine’s day.

My healthcare plan does not cover the broken heart. So please don’t leave me ever. Happy valentine’s day!

Celebrating Valentine’s Day looks great in movies. But in real life, it’s just horrible and costly. Try buying a bouquet of flowers and you’ll know!

Happy Valentine’s Day, my love. When life gets tough and I feel lost, thanks for being my map, and guiding me back home. I love you!

Let’s pretend for one day that we love each other more than anything else. We can avoid each other for the rest of 364 days!

Whoever said Valentine’s day is only for lovers? I love you my best friend! Happy Valentine’s day.

Valentine’s day is the perfect day to tell you those three special words… Let’s get naked!

I need to upgrade the power of my glasses because I’m blindly in love with you.

funny valentines messages

If you feel lonely today, just remind yourself that yesterday you felt the same as today, and tomorrow will not be different either. Happy valentine’s day!

The best way to spend this valentine’s day for me is to spend it with the love of my life – food. Wishing happy valentines day to you!

If my wealth grew as much as my love for you today, I’d be on the Forbes list of richest men in the world. Happy valentine’s day!

I am not saying that I care about money more than I do about you. But it’s my father’s advice to spend my money on good purposes only! Happy Valentine’s Day!

You don’t need flowers to smell sweet and don’t need ornaments to look beautiful. And then I thought you don’t need a valentine’s day either to be loved!

You cannot define love in one word and you cannot celebrate love in one day. That’s why I don’t have any plans with you on this Valentine’s Day!

Today, let us celebrate the early demise of all men in promoting love just like Saint Valentine did before his own sad demise!

I like the way you chew my mind like a bar of chocolate. It’s just a matter of days before I become brain-dead because of your love!

Funny Valentines Day Card Messages

I have found my way back to your heart like a stray dog finds his way back home. Thank you for letting me in every time. Happy valentine’s day!

Loving you is my job and every job holder needs the motivation to work. Can I have some motivation tonight? Happy valentine’s day!

I hate valentine’s day because it makes me feel lonely and disconnected from the world. But I do like the memes. So yeah, keep sending me those!

Funny Valentine’s Day Messages for Friends

It feels so sad to know that you don’t have any special person to spend Valentine’s day with. You better spend the day with me, and better luck next year!

Valentine’s day is one day to stay committed to one person and the other days are for other persons.

Girlfriends are temporary, friends are permanent. Accept this truth, my friend.

Dear friend, my love for you is as fiery as chili. Let’s spice up our bond and celebrate this Valentine together! Cheers!

If you feel sad that you stay alone during Valentine‘s day, just remember that nobody loves you on any of those other 355 days of the year.

Do you know the very famous quote saint valentines said before his death? – he said, “don’t buy a cow when you can have milk for free”!

Love is just like a fart. If you push it, it will be crap. Happy valentine’s day, my friend!

funny valentine messages for friends

Whatever you do, don’t commit yourself. You’ll be dead long before your death. Happy valentine’s day!

Love is like a blanket. It will keep you warm and safe for some time but very soon you’ll realize that it was an electric blanket and someone else is in control of the switch!

It’s always a wonder how the least intelligent guy in the friend circle gets the most beautiful girl in the class. Happy Valentine’s Day!

Dear friend, wishing you a happy valentine’s day. I hope you will enjoy yourself with your girlfriend since she won’t leave you to accompany your friends for a night out party.

How can you be lonely on Valentine’s day when you have your friends with you? You are the true valentine to me. Happy Valentine’s Day!

I cannot send out roses as all my friends are my valentines and I don’t have that much money either. So here you go, Happy Valentine’s Day!

Happy Valentine’s Day! Yes, I’m saying my valentines to you because you’re special. Now act surprised.

Must Read: 200+ Happy Valentine Day Wishes and Messages for Everyone You Love

Funny Valentine Messages For Him

You are just as much weird as me. That makes us a perfect couple. Happy valentine’s day to my crazy one!

The world is filled with so many people with so little love. Tonight, let’s make some love together. Happy valentine’s day!

Wishing my man a very happy valentine’s day! You are very lucky to have an amazing person like me to wish you valentine’s day. Cherish it.

If you can’t buy happiness with money, try buying a valentine’s gift for me. It will work like magic. I can guarantee you that!

When people ask me what the best thing about you is, I say nothing. I don’t want them to fall in love with you. Happy valentine’s Day!

Buy me chocolates and flowers today, or tonight you dine alone. The choice is yours, darling. Happy valentine’s day to you with love!

Happy Valentine’s Day. Here is the list of things you should buy me because you are the best boyfriend in the entire world.

Funny Valentine Day Messages for Friends

Want to know my plan for today? Getting you arrested for stealing my heart. Happy valentine’s day, my love!

I would say you are my favorite thing about Valentine’s Day but then I remember chocolates exist. So, you are my second favorite thing about Valentine’s Day.

A date with you? No thanks, I would rather have an apple by myself alone. Happy valentine’s day!

Also Read: 100+ Valentine Messages for Boyfriend

Funny Valentine Messages For Girlfriend

I called the police to get you arrested. Your crime is stealing my heart and taking my breath away. Happy Valentine’s Day.

Every day with you is Valentine, that’s why I don’t have any special gift for you today.

I know what you are thinking this Valentine’s Day, my love! Don’t worry, I can censor stuff as well!

Girl, are you a library book? Because I can’t stop looking for you! Loving you is a weird thing and a roller coaster ride for me. Happy Valentine’s day!

No matter how costly the flower is, you will always get one from me on this special day. Happy Valentine’s Day, my dear!

My beloved, if I could I would’ve brought the moon to you. But as I can’t, here is a small token of appreciation on this beautiful day. Happy Valentine’s Day!

I was single and sad. And then I met you and realized being single was not so bad. Just kidding! Happy valentine’s day, my love!

Let’s pretend like we are one of the best couples in the world. Other days, nobody will notice us.

I won’t take you on a date this Valentine’s, girl! Because, if I do, someone else might steal you from me, thanks to your beauty!

Stop missing me so much, sweetie! Keep some for the next Valentine’s Day as well! lol

I don’t usually hang out on valentine’s day, but when I do, I make sure It’s with someone so gorgeous as you!

Doctor prescribed me a medicine called “YOU.” Be my cure this Valentine’s Day and always. Cheers to love!

Also Read: 100+ Valentines Wishes for Girlfriend

Funny Valentine Messages For Boyfriend

This Valentine I am officially requesting you to leave my head, I can’t stop thinking about you.

Nobody will love you like me after knowing all your weird habits. Happy Valentine’s day!

The world is so big, but I found my world in you. Nothing can take you away from me because our gravitational force is extremely strong. Happy Valentine’s Day, my beloved!

I had a crush on so many guys, but you were the most handsome among all of them. So you are the luckiest guy who got me right beside you. Happy Valentine’s day!

funny valentine messages for boyfriend

Would you like to be my valentine? I mean we are already dating and you’re kind of bound to be. Happy Valentine’s Day, my boyfriend!

If there was a choice, I would choose you a thousand times. But maybe I would look for someone in my thousand and one times. Happy Valentine’s Day, my handsome!

Everyone wishes to find the best person to spend their valentines with. Not only did I find the best person but also the best partner anyone can ever ask for. But don’t get so confident now. Happy Valentine’s Day, my man!

Is there a way to make every day Valentine’s day? Because I want to appreciate you every day with the same intensity. Happy Valentine’s Day, beloved of mine!

Love is blind; that’s why I fall for you. Otherwise, you’ll be left single forever. kidding, my love. Wish you a lovely Valentine’s Day!

I Wanted to have a sensible partner, but cupid hit me with a crazy lover. Thanks for loving me madly, darling. Cheers to Valentine!

Funny Valentine’s Messages For Husband

Happy Valentine’s Day. I can’t imagine how lucky you are to be married to me!

You know this Valentine’s Day is meaningless without me, right? So, get ready to impress me, darling!

Happy Valentine’s Day, my love! Thanks for keeping my heart healthy and happy by making me laugh with your humor.

Happy Valentine’s Day, dear husband. They say marriage is finding that one special person to annoy for the rest of your life, and I feel lucky to have found you!

You are a robber and a drug dealer at the same time. Because you not only stole my heart but also made me addicted to you. Happy Valentine’s day, my dear husband.

Today is Valentine’s Day, love! Get ready to thank me and shower me with gifts for all my efforts toward you!

Happy Valentine’s Day, handsome! You are the only one who can make my heart race and drive me crazy at the same time.

Happy Valentine’s Day to the guy who steals my chocolates, hogs the bed, and still manages to be the best partner ever. I love you!

Funny Valentine’s Messages For Wife

Next valentine, you may be changing the diaper of our kids, so better enjoy the valentine this year!

Happy Valentine’s Day to the woman who completes me like coffee completes mornings. Without you, my life would be as bitter as black coffee.

My dear wife, you deserve a medal for tolerating my snoring, smelly socks, and singing. Remember, I love you more than I love myself. Happy Valentine’s Day!

Happy Valentine’s Day, my love! You are the chicken in my biryani, the cherry on my cake, and the reason I still believe in love, even on workdays.

My dear wife, please pardon me this Valentine’s Day. Because I have to go on a date with my ex-girlfriend! Who happens to be my wife now; which is you, I guess!

funny valentine's messages for wife

Hey Sweetheart! Happy Valentine’s Day! Here’s your gift! Now please make me my favorite dish!

We slew the dating game, now we are slaying the married life. Happy Valentine’s Day.

I always wondered what it is like to spend Valentine’s Day with the most awesome person in the world? Now I can know. So, wife, how is it to spend Valentine’s Day with me?

I don’t need a lot of candies this valentine’s day because I’m on a diet. You can buy me diamonds instead!

Happy Valentine’s Day, sweetheart! Remember, you may run out of toilet paper, but you’ll never run out of my love. I’m forever yours.

Funny Valentine Messages For Coworkers/Colleagues

May this Valentine’s Day bring you another girlfriend with another pack of annoyances! Haha!

Happy Valentine’s Day, dear colleague! Now give me a gift so that I can forward it to my girlfriend from me! Lol!

Take care of yourself, my dear coworker! It’s Valentine’s Day, you know; and I hope you don’t bunk the office and avoid admins show cause!

I acknowledge Valentine’s Day! Because it is the day even HR is in a “fun” mood! Have a lovely Valentine’s Day!

I hope our boss allows you to leave the office early today! You know it’s Valentine’s Day, and our boss understands your urge! 😀

Have a great Valentine’s Day, senior! I hope every day of the week was like today, looking at your mood! 😛

Funny Valentine Wishes for Singles

You may not have someone to love but at least your pocket is safe and secure. Enjoy your life man! I’ve started to envy you already!

Every Valentine’s Day creates a hole in my pocket that I need the whole year to repair. I’m glad that you’re still single!

The power of human brain is unlimited. Even a loser can create an imaginary valentine for himself anytime. Then my friend, why you’re so sad?

Even God couldn’t find someone for you in all these years. Maybe she is not born yet, or maybe she is from mars! Happy Valentine’s Day!

funny valentine messages for friends

I get it, you are not single; you’re just waiting for something real, which unfortunately will never happen. Happy valentine’s day!

Having a great time with my GF so far, just wanted to know how you’ve been doing today? How does it feel like dating yourself? I’m dying to know!

I have never seen anyone more romantic and caring as a person than you are. Maybe this is the reason why you are still single!

If you remain single for the next 2 years, you should really consider dating yourself. Because you are one of a kind and there’s no one like you!

To love oneself is the beginning of a lifelong romance. Happy Valentine’s Day to Me!

Funny Valentines Day Quotes

“If my Valentine you won’t be, I’ll hang myself on your Christmas tree.” – Ernest Hemingway

“Valentine’s Day is when a lot of married men are reminded what a poor shot Cupid really is.” – Unknown

“I love you more than coffee, but please don’t make me prove it.” – Elizabeth Evans

“It’s called Valentine’s Day, you moron. If you’re going to date a human, Dankmar, you need to remember their holidays.” – Abbi Glines

“Remember, your Valentine’s card shows you care enough to send the very best, even though you’re too lazy to put it in your own words.” – Melanie White

“I love you no matter what you do, but do you have to do so much of it?” – Jean Illsley Clarke

“Valentine’s Day: the holiday that reminds you that if you don’t have a special someone, you’re alone.” – Lewis Black

funny valentine quotes

“Love is a lot like a backache, it doesn’t show up on X-rays, but you know it’s there.” – George Burns

“True love comes quietly without banners or flashing lights. If you hear bells, get your ears checked.” – Erich Segal

“It wasn’t love at first sight. It took a full five minutes.” – Lucille Ball

“Love is a fire. But whether it is going to warm your hearth or burn down your house, you can never tell.” – Joan Crawford

“To be in love is merely to be in a state of perceptual anesthesia.” – H. L. Mencken

Related: Funny Love Messages For Her or Him

Funny Valentines Day Captions

Here’s Valentine’s Day filled with good wine, good food and especially good friends like you.

Every man would agree that the 14th of February should be celebrated in a fiscally but not s*xually conservative way.

My friends are the weirdest, craziest people I know but I love them. Happy Valentines’ Day everyone!

Valentine greetings, my lovebug! Your presence turns my life into a hilarious circus to enjoy. Let’s stick together forever!

Today is February 14th – St. Valentine’s day. Women call it Love day, while men name it as extortion day.

Love doesn’t grow on trees like apples in Eden – it’s something you have to make. And it would be best if you used your imagination too.

Last valentine I wished to meet a fairy, and this year I found you! Happy Valentine’s Day, cutie.

Valentine’s Day is all about spreading joy, and what better way to do so than with laughter? Our collection of funny Valentine’s messages ensures smiles all around, whether you’re sending them to your lover, friends, or colleagues. These witty wishes are not only perfect for lifting the spirits of single friends but also for adding a touch of humor to the day. Whether you’re texting, sending a card, or sharing on social media, our funny Valentine’s messages are sure to spread happiness far and wide.